Most of the basic communication gestures are the same all over the world. When people are happy they smile; when they are sad or angry they frown or scowl. Nodding the head is almost universally used to indicate ‘yes’ or affirmation. It appears to be a form of head lowering and is probably an inborn gesture, as it is also used by deaf and blind people. Shaking the head from side to side to indicate ‘no’ or negation is also universal and may well be a gesture that is learned in infancy.
Getting rid of weak bodylanguage
We’ve all met someone who displays weak body language. He’s the guy who communicates the wrong message around women. This is someone who you meet and intuitively know that he’s not very good with women. He doesn’t have to say a word, but you’re already convinced that the ladies are not knocking down his door to date him. It’s not what he says, it’s how he acts!
On some level, you’ve picked up on his body language and gotten an uncomfortable vibe from being around him. In essence, his non-verbal communication is telling you that he does NOT have the confidence to attract many women.
We’re all different in how we display body language. Some can command a powerful presence. Others display the weak aura that’s naturally repulsive to a woman.
You can try it yourself. Say ‘no’ but nod ‘Yes’. Im sure you can do it, but it takes alot of effort. Body language and spoken language are two different languages. We speak and understand them both. The importance of body language for communication can hardly be underestimated. There are authors who argue that more than half of what is communicated is done through body language. There are authors who argue that at least 70 percent. It’s not about the number. Realize that your body is just as important as what you say and how you say it.
When you want to give your partner a positive feeling, you can tell him is that he’s a whopper. But its more effective to just look at him and smile or nod with interest what he says. Turn it around. There is nothing so destructive as when you tell someone a story and he or she gives no response to what you say. You are not fascinating enough. “Yesterday I was at a fun workshop …” Monty says. John’s responds with “Is there still coffee left in that can?” That hurts. You can almost feel it physically. Conversely: “Yesterday I was at a fun workshop …” Monty says. John reacts with “Tell me, what was it about?” and he turns his body towards Monty and gives him a warm smile. You can be sure, the next 5 assignments from monty are given to John. Read more
How can you read bodylanguage and what gestures should you use to present yourself as a decisive leader?
What you say isnt that important, im sure you heard that before. Research in the sixties shows that communication is mostly about nonverbal communication, about 55%. 38% of the communication is about intonation, and only a small 7% is about the words that come out of your mouth. So the conclusion is that your speech can be very interesting, but if you send other signals with your body, the message wont arrive at the listeners.
Time to change
By learning bodylanguage, you can change small amounts of your presence, when you are in the company of others. Please dont expect big changes, but there are small victories to be made. One way to accomplish this, is throu NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming. In three easy staps you can make a plan for youself:
1. observe the current situation, how do you behave in very specific situations?
2. Make sure what you want to change and create an image of you wishes and goals.
3. Go practise these goals and wishes in day to day situations.
When we have a conversation, sometimes a silence drops. And it always has a meaning, even when nothing is said. We can skip words and complete sentences and still know what isnt said. So its not remarkable that there are alot of silences, and all with different meanings.
Every one knows that a conversation is more than a collection of words. The intonation, the speed of speaking and gestures made are a big part of our daily communcation as well. So if you compare this nonverbal communication with silences, they may not always be remarkable, or you dont notice them at all, but they are part of the conversation. Sometimes a silence can be a replacement for a whole sentence. Here is an example you might recognize:
It can be really hard to understand a baby. They cant express themselves by language yet since they haven learned any words yet. And for strangers its really hard to understand what a baby really wants. If your a mother, you’ll learn the bodylanguage of your baby very quick, but for the other family members it can be frustrating not to understand what your baby means. And a baby sit often doenst have a clue at all.
Most people think babies can only express themselves by crying. When they need something, like food or a drink, or when they feel pain or tired, sometimes it seems that all a baby can do is cry. But this isnt true at all, a baby has many ways to communicate its needs, you just need to pick up the signals.
Social situations can be very emotionally threatening for people. When we grow up, we learn to use and train different nonverbal mechanisms to hide this insecurity, but in every age category, as a small child or adult, a trained eye can easily recognize these bodylanguage signals.
If a social situation feels threatening, it is in our nature to throw up a (nonverbal) barricade. For a small child it is easy to hide behind its mother if they meet a stranger on the street or in a store. They can hide their face behind their hands, pull their hat over their face or crawl higher in the safe arms of their parent. From this position the child feels more at ease to look at the stranger to see what their actions are. We all recognize the feeling to be safe in our bed with the sheets covering our face; its one of the few places we can really feel safe, even as an adult.
Adults who suffer from depression it is a saying heared alot: ‘All i want to do is lie in bed and sleep all day’. Its a different way of saying ‘ im too afraid to step into the real world and face the uncomfortable situations i might encounter’. Of course depressed people feel left out of energy, but the step to come out of bed and meet the world is a step you need to take, how threatening the world around them might seem to feel…